I haven’t been reading.

I haven’t had it in me lately, which is bugging me, but nothing changes. So, clearly, it’s not bugging me enough.

I have plenty of options [i.e. stacks of books], but I’m not motivated to immerse myself in a new world. I think it’s because I’ve been immersing myself in my own new world.

This writing project is wonderful. Wonderful and slightly aggravating. But really just wonderful. It’s mine, my creation. My imagination and thought processes resulted in a story, a plot, and characters that I truly love. Now all I need is time to devote to its progress.

What I find tricky is I don’t want to delve into the project for 15 or 20 mins when I have a chance. I want like 2 hours to get in there and be present.

There’s a coffee shop nearby, and I work well there. I don’t work well at home. Too many distractions and reasons to not focus. I’m hoping I’ll get in some good writing time tomorrow since I’m off from work, but I have to go somewhere else because I’m not at home.

I have to remember- this book isn’t going to write itself! And I can’t edit a blank page. All those clich├ęs that are meant to induce encouragement and motivation, they work, let me tell you.

The “winter blues” got the best of me this year.

More so than ever before.

I’d never felt it this strongly. I spent about a month having ZERO motivation to do anything, and what sucks the most about the timing of it was that it started around the same time as the new semester. So, I did a few initial assignments and then got very behind. I’ve mostly caught up in one class, but the other… I’m still struggling. Luckily, it’s currently spring break, which means no new assignments to add on.

I think it started with the indecision about my financial aid, which I found out about a week before classes were to begin. And it wasn’t fully resolved until after they began. The week before classes, I usually read over the syllabi, get my textbooks, and get myself in the mindset of the assignments and subject matter. I didn’t have that this time.

Also, I was sort of forced into the classes I’m in. It’s my last semester, and I needed two 300- or 400-level courses. All that was offered for Journalism was Opinion Writing, and, out of the English creative writing courses, I chose TV Pilot Script Writing. Well, much to my dismay, that pilot script class was eventually cancelled due to low enrollment. The other options were Creative Writing, Writing the Graphic Novel, and Writing for a Living. I have no interest in graphic novels, but I considered it because it would mean focused creative work. The regular creative writing course wasn’t too appealing because I’d already taken that type of course the previous semester and a couple of times back in high school. I wanted something more specific, hence choosing the pilot script course. And as for Writing for a Living, it seemed more like the utilitarian class of writing curriculums. There would be no creative projects or soul-feeding writing. It would simply be about writing queries to publishers and agents. Ultimately, it’s what I chose because it seemed to be the most useful, and it’s been alright. It’s had interesting assignments that do make you think and figure things out.

As for opinion writing, I am less than excited by it. I think part of it is I don’t think my “voice” jives with the opinion style. Plus, I’ve learned that I’m not as interested in journalism as I once thought I might be. So, that adds to the lack of motivation.

But that’s why I went to school in the first place- to figure out which types of writing I would like most. And that’s what is happening.

I just have to get through this last part, and it will be in my rearview.

I already am considering taking a one-off screenwriting course at some point. NYU’s Tisch School offers one online, so maybe that’s in my future!